Yucky Duck Fashion

Yucky Duck Fashion

Sunday, 8 February 2015

50 Shades of Pale: My Crap Skin's Quest for Celtic Complexion

"Bless me Father for I have sinned, it's been two months since my last Sally Hansen application".

For my fashion sins, and to the disbelief of those around me, I made a conscious decision to give up fake tan 72 days to the date ago. The environmentalists rejoice however, as the CO2 emissions lower from the demise of multiple applications of tan aerosol consumed each weekend. It all stemmed from a idea planted in my head many moons ago. As I prepared for a fashion shoot, the photographer recoiled in shock as I enquired about skin prep for the 'big day'. His answer to this day stemmed the tan-ban idealisation I've been constructing since October last year. "Why would you wear tan?" he exclaimed. "Irish women have beautiful pale Celtic complexion. Pale hues of skin are the tone others in the fashion industry especially high end alter to become alike, and yet Irish women are too afraid to express their uniqueness". That was a no to the fake tan so then and this photo shoot was in no means 'Vogue'. It stuck a cord with me as I had never met a male that was REALLY so adamant against the self application culture (other than the 'she will dirty my sheets in orange muck'), as even my own Boyfriend frequently commented that 'women look better with a tan'.

Pale Idol: Morticia Addams

For me, tanning was always about improving my skin's texture and not glow or tone. I've had Psoriasis since a teen and a common condition called Keratosis Pilaris (KP). Sounds all a bit double dutch? KP often presents as little pink or purple rough bumps on the backs of the arms and often in the lower legs which is frequently mistaken for 'shaving bumps or rash'. As I prepared to go cold turkey (and display my turkey skin), I had to acknowledge that I had to also prepare my skin for baring all. Tan such as Sally Hansen covered the pulsating Keratosis Pilaris purpleness on legs and now I was about to showcase them to prospective husbands on a night out. Big Call.

After a bit of trial and error when it came it lotions and potions on the market. I enlisted some key beauty buys which worked my own leather. I discovered Neostrata Lotion Plus last Summer and due to it's Glycolic formula, gently exfoliates the skin to improve texture and improve Keratosis Pilaris appearance. Beware of the delicacy of your skin to sun exposure when using this product and be sure to read the instructions before use. I have definitely found a marked improvement in my own legs, and it's non fragrance means it can be subtlety used by blokes as well as women. Its is available in Pharmacy's nationwide for around €28. I substituted the razor for the less skin abrasive Braun epilator and smothered my legs in MAC Face and Body Foundation in C2 with a foundation brush for nights out. This product is the only body foundation I could find on the Irish market. It's coverage neutralises the skin tone rather than covers it and it does not transfer onto clothes. Finish your skin with Benefit Bathina Body Balm for the red carpet-ready sheen on your shins.


With celebrities like Anne Hathaway, Kristen Stewart and Cate Blanchett regularly dismissing the man made golden glow on the red carpet, and with Fashion Week models and movies such as Twilight personifying pale creatures of the night why is it then we have not embraced the 'haute-couture skin look' of our own natural skin tone like we would embrace a Chanel bag if it were handed to us? Even Nicole Scherzinger herself told me she 'loved my beautiful Irish skin' as I stood next to her in London 14 months ago. Are the Irish nation in denial about their uniqueness or are we more wise in how to 'better our most natural asset'?.

50 Shades of Pale vs 50 Shades of Bronzed

My quest to spread the pale Gospel continues.
Until next time Ducklings,
Love Vera Xx

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